How did I get here?

There are no ordinary moments

What does it mean to be a committed martial artist?

“The important thing to know is this: To be ready at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.” Charles Du BosLong wooden staff (longer than jo)

Standing at the bottom of the mountain, I surveyed the map. I’m not a seasoned hiker by any stretch of the definition, but I’m eager and willing. Grace and I were in the middle of a Colorado camping trip that included long drives and we had decided to stretch our legs with a quick hour hike into Rocky Mountain National Park.

Looking at the map’s dotted lines and hieroglyphs, my imagination quickly defined the entire hike for me; beautiful views, climbs without effort, and epic rewards that speak of a journey culminating in a grand destination. Heroic. Romantic. Bullshit.

When you’re at the bottom of a mountain, all you can really see is the trailhead. A slight, gently rising, crushed stone path cut between boulders that beckon. It’s the trailhead and what you think the journey is about that seduce you. The rain starts to fall as we begin the excursion up.

The climb’s difficulty quickly increases and we walk single file on the twisting path taking turns leading. I distract myself with thoughts of how the high altitude will help my AikidoThe word "Aikido" is made up of three japanese characters: ai - harmony, ki - spirit, mind, or universal energy, do - the way. Thus Aikido is "the way of harmony with universal energy." training.

Holding a smile on my face is becoming more difficult until it finally turns into a grimace. I let the “smiling mask” go and abandon it. I’m smiling on the inside, right? I try to enjoy the scenery but the physical exertion and my growing focus on reaching the summit are dominating my thoughts. The first doubts start to set in.

The rain has completely penetrated my supposedly waterproof jacket. No longer fascinated with high altitude training, my lungs seemed to be working at ? power. I start thinking about how I’d rather be back sitting in the car, which is really funny since I also recall earlier sitting in the car and wishing I were out moving around.

At this moment, Grace, who is part goat, decides to leave the trail and go straight up the side of mountain. My mind groans, as it has to let go of the path it could see for one that has no framework. How can I be in control if I don’t know what is coming next? I was pacing myself. We now move in a frenetic crawling run as we scramble up.

Stopping to catch our breaths, I mused at how silly we look trying to stand on such a steep grade. How did I get here? My thoughts become thick and syrupy. Balloon head. Grace notices also. She discovers that my clothing is soaked through and I’m not shivering. My skin was pale, cool and damp. I also lose the use of my hands.

I’m stripped of my wet clothes as I try to make jokes about my clublike hands. Here I was truly naked on the side of mountain at 12,000 feet. Unable to zip or button, I’m redressed by another. We do jumping jacks on the side of the mountain to get my temp up. My mind, still frozen, gives up for now and thoughts are thankfully absent. Just presence.

It was time to choose. Up or down. Resolved, we continued our trip up. Cresting the final ridge, we arrived on a plateau of tundra two hours after we started. At this altitude the ground looks like the moon. No trees. No vegetation. No sounds. Sharing the same space with the clouds. As with all truly wondrous moments, words cannot adequately describe it.

Mu. SatoriEnlightenment in zen. Breakthrough. It is a piercing from one reality into another bigger picture. Like dreaming in a foreign language, I’m standing at the bottom of another Mountain; the Martial Path. The seductive and manicured trailhead began with a simple dojoPlace of the way; a place for strengthening and refinement body, mind and spirit; training hall website. I can’t recall what naive thoughts I had about Aikido then but all I remember is the knowing that I had to do this. That somehow my life depended on it.

The quick ascent of the beginner’s class moved on to regular practice as the weeks became months and then the months became years. Climbing. The trail is clearly marked with IkkyoFirst teaching, movement or principle. Mask after mask falls off. Some resist. Most are painful to remove. I’m smiling on the inside, right? During this time I’ve made and lost friends, alienated my family, divorced, lost a pet, delivered a baby, found love and started to find myself.

Now preparing for my Nidan2nd degree black belt test, I have left the trail again and I’m clawing my way up a different path. What have I been doing all these years? Naked and numb on the side of the mountain I look to be rescued and realize that no one is coming. I try and escape but can’t. This time I will need to save myself. It’s why I came on this journey. I feel desperation and know that I must be close to something. I need to move as the ground is crumbling underneath me. I try and temper my thoughts, for I know that this is a “true” journey, one without end.

Standing at the top of a mountain in Colorado, we are lost. There are no trail markers or signs of anything. A direction is chosen and we wander for thirty minutes. Everything is expansive. We come upon a Cairn, a sort of stone pyramid that hikers use to mark a path. I have a powerful experience, realizing that others have made this journey. Like bowing to the kamizaHonorary place in a dojo, we place our own stones on the pile to connect ourselves with those that have journeyed here before and to welcome those who will come. As we start our descent in silence, the events of trip down will remind us that there are no ordinary moments.