As I get older, I find myself getting bored more easily.

I suppose it is a midlife crisis thing.  Maybe some sort of control thing?  Am I trying to make every moment count?  Trying to focus on what is significant, important, profound?  Not sure really — but bored I am.

Fortunately, or not, I have discovered that I am bored with myself.  Quite disturbing, on many levels, if I let it end there.  I guess it had to circle around and hit me in the forehead. After much wallowing - I have discovered that being bored with oneself can also be an opportunity to see in new ways.  A chance to reassess and maybe get rid of some shit I have been hauling around (are we allowed to say shit in Enso?).  Or grab on and nurture something that I feel has promise.  Or just - freaking - try something different.  And to, hopefully, change in a constructive and positive way.

Specific to AikidoThe word "Aikido" is made up of three japanese characters: ai - harmony, ki - spirit, mind, or universal energy, do - the way. Thus Aikido is "the way of harmony with universal energy." - I have found myself incredibly bored with much of what I have been doing.  Mostly with the fact that I have been doing a lot of the same things over and over, despite that voice in my ear screaming – “drop your center, posture, breathe, put your kiSpirit; life force; vital energy; strength; sensitivity (chinese = "chi") where you want it, absorb with your whole body, still stiff!!…”   How many times do I need to see it, feel it, before I make it my own?

Boring!

Weapons practice has been incredibly challenging for me.  It has been so in my face, for so long.  My favorite excuse for not giving a good attack is that I am afraid I might hit my partner.  Could it be that I was hoping — if I don’t hit you, could you not hit me?  No wonder there is no ki in my jo.  All very safe.  Great excuses.  Perfectly logical justifications for my actions.  How can you argue with such logic?  Where is that wacking sound coming from?  It can’t still be me!

Damn Boring!

Constructively using the boredom and frustration I was feeling with my practice has produced an opening that I needed to wake myself up.  It has given me the  chance to break out of my self created safe house.  A chance to see things in a new light.  As a result -  I am going for my weapons partner with a new vigor and, importantly, not being afraid to hit  or be hit.  Trying to take uke’s balance, not throw uke.  Looking to feel the moment uke"Receiver"; the person providing the attack and falling loses balance and working with that feeling.  Not rushing.  Enjoy it fully, without attaching myself to a desired result … Laughing more, feeling more, and finding new joy in my practice.

Any one out there bored?  Come for me!  All or boring!!