Exhaustion mingles with energy, emptiness and knowledge dance together.

A year ago, I chalked these feelings up to being new; why then, am I still experiencing them? I searched long and hard for a place like this, and those months should have made any transition short and simple. Yet I still struggle. Some days, everything is clear, as though the skies have parted and the sunlight shines a beam, indicating the direction I seek to travel. Other days, night rolls in and it feels as though I must go in every direction at once, though I am instantly incapable of accomplishing anything.

Life can be hectic. Nearly everyone in society understands the pressures of a job and the desire to do the best job possible. We all handle it differently. The days when everything goes according to plan seem too few. The promise of those days though, makes the days that go completely astray bearable. Ask any golfer, when you hear them griping about their game, why they play (for relaxation!) a game that frustrates them so. I’d bet you’ll hear a story about “One time, I shot 2 under!” While a part of me can say I would love to lead a life that completely followed my plans, it can not be all of me; some of the greatest things in life end up being unplanned. For me, aikidoThe word "Aikido" is made up of three japanese characters: ai - harmony, ki - spirit, mind, or universal energy, do - the way. Thus Aikido is "the way of harmony with universal energy." was one of them. While I had searched a long time to find a home, I was searching for something else. A colleague recommended (for a second time) that BCA was exactly what I was describing…I just didn’t know it. Now, I can see that aikido is the means to attain the balance I seek, it provides a general direction to go, but does not layout the exact steps to take, it requires you find your own path…something I am beginning to do.

When I first visited BCA, I was instantly impressed with the austerity of it all. In near silence, the group practiced, moving with a grace and fluidity that I couldn’t see myself capable of achieving. And yet something told me, this is what I want…what I need. And so I began the proverbial journey of a thousand miles with the first footfall into the dojoPlace of the way; a place for strengthening and refinement body, mind and spirit; training hall. By the end of the intro course, I knew this was a great decision to have made. I enjoyed the peace and clarity of mind that came from the study, not to mention the physical exhaustion. I began to sit zazenMeditation posture and exercise on Sundays towards the end of the summer, and found it a great way to start the day and the week…the world ceased to be hectic and things became clear…what I needed to do versus what I wanted to do, and how to balance them.

Fast forward nine months to the present day. I again struggle with the concept of balance: once more, it seems there is too little of me (and that is saying something, at 6’6”) and too much that needs my attention. But the needs of school, of the kids, my fellow teachers, even administrators, supersede my own desires. What happened? What happened to the clarity and vision? When did the sense of balance and evenness disappear? When did I leave the path I had started down in June?

But looking closer, I see the path has not disappeared. I have simply let the growth overtake its once well-groomed edges. I can see the outlines of the path still, promising me its guidance, beckoning me forward. As I write this, I have come to a realization, one that I now recall my psychology professor impressing upon the class some 20 years ago: what stands in our way more often than not is ourselves. We assign greater importance to things that shouldn’t be so, and lessen the importance of things that should be. And undoing that can be as simple as making up your mind to do it.

So to all of you who read this, I simply say this: take the time to understand the world around you. Take the time to understand your part in it all. Take the time to do what you want to do in the midst of spending time doing all you need to do. Take the time, every now and again, to weed the path of your life, or else the jungle may overtake all in its path.