What does it mean to be Free? Really Free. Over a few drinks one night, I asked a friend this question and he said, “To be able to do whatever I want.”

He then went on to describe a series of fantasies that involved not working, eating and traveling, experiencing various places and things. My first reaction, I’ll admit, was a little critical and judgmental at his simple and un-spiritual sounding response (nothing like a little spiritual judgmentalism to remind oneself where you are on the path). The more I thought about it, I realized that there are two ways to look at freedom. There is “freedom from,” as in the physical world (free from entrapment, prison, hunger, sickness, poverty, etc.) and then there is what I will call “real freedom,” the type that I believe comes from the pursuit of higher ability (training, meditation and the arts).

One evening after class, Lyons SenseiTeacher; anyone who gives guidance along the way; literally "born before" presented to us a problem to solve: How do you give a snake freedom? The answer he shared with us was to put it in a tube. When he asked if we understood, I sheepishly nodded my head yes, even though I had no idea what he was talking about. I racked my brain on this for a month. I thought, what is freeing about being “trapped” in a tube? If freedom is the absence of barriers, then isn’t a tube a constraint? Can a snake even move if it’s in a tube? Is the snake really “happy” in there?

At some point, at least in concept, I got it that the snake is free because it “lets go” of everything other than the tube. But it still sounded bleak. That is, until I experienced it for myself during this year’s summer camp: my first summer camp. To an AikidokaOne who does Aikido, summer camp is “the tube.”

For one week, all of the student’s needs are taken care of in a self-contained environment. I was housed in an extremely comfortable two-bedroom, two-bath apartment that I shared with three other fellow dojoPlace of the way; a place for strengthening and refinement body, mind and spirit; training hall members (wow, maid service, maintenance staff and plenty of fresh towels). Regular meal service was provided on campus in a pleasant cafeteria and even a discriminating vegetarian like myself found a way to eat well. Everything was in walk¬ing distance, the San Diego weather was delightful and there were many people working hard to make sure all was taken care of and running smoothly. I was away from my home, my computer, my stuff and my “life.” Sure sounds like “freedom from” to me.

The purpose of summer camp, as I see it now, is to fully pursue “real freedom” through deep, focused training. And boy did we train a lot. Even the day’s schedule reinforced “the tube.”
Wake at 6 AM, train at 6:30 AM, eat breakfast, train till noon, eat lunch, take a small break (or work), train till 5 PM, eat dinner, participate in the evening event (which sometimes was training), socialize (or work, or both) and then pass out in your bed. Repeat.

Don’t get me wrong: It’s not like I was in some state of training bliss where I skipped to class singing and dancing with impending enlightenment. This type of training shreds you. The first full day’s enthusiasm was shattered when I woke the following day so sore that I thought my blood had been replaced with broken glass and con¬crete. There were continual periods where within a span of fifteen min¬utes I would experience every type of emotion and thought in the human pantheon (I love this, I hate this, I’m tired, I’m awesome, I suck, why am I here, wow that was a real connection, I need a nap, that was fun). I started to develop blisters on my blisters.

The classes were mind blowing. There was so much good AikidoThe word "Aikido" is made up of three japanese characters: ai - harmony, ki - spirit, mind, or universal energy, do - the way. Thus Aikido is "the way of harmony with universal energy." to absorb, so much to learn. It is like drinking from a fire hose. Any previous beliefs I had about what I thought Aikido is, and what I thought it was supposed to look like, was blown wide open by DoshuHonorary title for the master of the art; the current Aikido doshu is Moriteru Ueshiba, grandson of O'sensei, the teachers and the other Aikidoists. I just had to trust that I was absorbing what was being shown because there was just too much for my mind to try to re¬member consciously.

And I practiced. I practiced Aikido. I practiced connection. I practiced awareness. I watched myself become completely devastated when I had to “let go” of my nap so that I could help with the running of the camp store.
“How will I survive without my nap!” A nap is such a simple pleasure. How dare “they” take it away from me? It’s mine! This was my low point. I gave up, crumbled and let go.

Every summer camp veteran told me that after/around day three your body adapts. I struggled with this idea, until the middle of day four when I realized during class I might be a machine. I was tired, but there was something else going on. I was steady. My body seemed to be able to keep going. My thoughts were calm. I felt satisfaction. I felt peaceful.

I was the snake. That’s when it dawned on me. When it all came together. The shape of the “tube” takes care of the snake’s needs, or the “freedom from,” which then allows for the snake to fully encounter the tube, or the “Real Freedom.” And that ultimately leads to the snake’s experience of moving forward through the tube. Freedom is an experience. It does not have a real anatomy. It is the snake, the tube and the moving through the tube all oc¬curring simultaneously.

Having now experienced it directly, if I ask myself “What does it mean to be free?” I would have a hard time putting it into words that others could understand. What I know is the feeling. It’s peace.